I stopped by Dad’s this morning to give him his medication. He is deteriorating quickly. Nyla let me know that Eric, my brother stopped by last night and said that Dad may not make it through the night. As I looked at him this morning, I do not think he will make it through the day. There was a part of me that wondered why I was giving the medications knowing that Dad may not make it through the day. I thought it could be the last act of service that I give to my Dad. After the medications, Nyla and I pulled of his damp shirt, washed him off with a damp cloth and put a dry clean shirt on Dad. We turned his pillow over to the dry side and tried to make him as comfortable as possible.

As I sit here typing I remember the extremely labored breathing, the rattle in his chest as he takes every breath. I had a friend many years ago that worked in convalescent hospital. She explained that you could tell when a person was dying and you know when it was close because they get the “death rattle.” Additionally, I remember the smell that my mother in law had in the days before she passed away. Dad has the same smell. I smell my hands from washing him and the smell is on my hands. The time is so close for him to pass on. It is almost surreal, the visual image of Dad, the auditory rattle and the smell of the end. I love my Dad and will miss him greatly. May he go peacefully and in comfort.

I stopped by at 6:00 am to give Dad his medications and check on him. Dad had woken up an hour earlier in pain and had been given pain medication so he was comfortable. He was awake and said good morning. It was my first time to give all his medication, hang a new feeding bottle and empty his drain bag. It starts with crushing the pills that he needs to take. Not everything comes in a liquid form. Once the meds were done the feeding bottle ran empty. I put a new one up and then the machine beeped every couple of minutes. I held Dads hand between beeps. A little use of gravity and that was straightened out the feeding problem and most everything was set.

Dad is looking weaker. He had slipped towards the bottom of the bed so I lowered the bed and moved him back up towards the top. I got him all adjusted and settled in. It was off to work.

At lunch time I stopped by again to say hello. Nyla and Terry had everything under control. They are doing a great job taking care of Dad. They stay up late and make sure Dad gets what he needs during the day and night. The idea is that they get to sleep in as I take the early meds shift. At lunch the visiting nurses were also there and some things were changed so it was good to get information first hand.

After work I stopped by with Scott and Eric, my sons. Dad was excited to see them. He gave each of them a big hug. Dad talked a little even though he looked a little out of it. As we left the boys commented on how surprised they were. They had seen a picture of him from a week ago. However, reality is real. Eric commented that he thought Dad looked a little yellow. For those of us that see him day in and day out we are not as perceptive to subtle changes. It may be that Dads liver is beginning to be compromised. The next few days will tell us more.

Yesterday, in the evening (Dad at Home – Day 4) Natalie had heart problems and left the home via an ambulance. I was on top of a mountain and Dad’s sister Nyla, from out of state was there with Dad and did not have any phone numbers to call for help. Or should I say my phone was not working at 8,300 feet. Things got handled and Day 4 came to a close.

As for Day 5, I did not get back until the afternoon. Things had settled and Natalie was going to be in the hospital for a few days. Jacob, my youngest son, and I told Dad about our hike up Mt. Baden Powell. With the help of others, we got Dad outside to see his garden. Jacob helped water his garden, clean the pool and water other plants. After about 40 minutes we took dad back inside and put him in bed to rest. He enjoyed his time out, but it seemed that his pain levels had increased.

Jacob and his Grandfather on Grandpa's garden

Dad getting some sun in the garden

I went home to clean up and returned later in the evening. My brothers Alan, from Utah and Wayne from Oceanside were there. We chatted with Dad and our Aunt Nyla. Dad seemed to enjoy listening to us. Dad is saying less and less each day so he did not say much. We all said goodnight to Dad and planned to meet him Sunday for Father’s Day.

When I arrived at Dads house this morning Dad was up taking care of business. Dad is weak and not moving well. It is impossible for him to get in and out of the bed on his own. Natalie and I helped him back to bed after the paperwork was complete. The activity caused his breathing rate to become elevated.

Once back to be his breathing was elevated for some time. He was breathing line I do what I and hiking up a steep hill. I opened the window to get some cool air in the room as it felt warm. It looked like Dad was in pain so I helped Natalie give him some pain medicine. It went in better this time and was quicker for us to do. The medicine did not cause Dad to zone out, but he looked more relaxed.

During the whole time I was there this morning Dad really did not say anything. I asked him if it was difficult to talk because of his breathing and he nodded yes. Natalie said that he did not say much yesterday as well. Perhaps it just plain hurts to talk.

Today Dad reminded me of my mother in law that just passed away last November. In the last weeks of her life she stopped talking as well. She would point, nod and make a grunting sound to communicate. She could hear, but just had too much difficulty talking. This was a reminder that Dads days on this earth are sort.